“We suffer alone, when what we really need is to get on a path of healing the pain we’re hiding behind a forced smile.”

– Dr. Michael Haggstrom

Life’s a wild ride, and let’s face it, we’re all just trying to steer through the twists and turns, am I right? And some of those turns are downright painful.

You see, we can all stumble, not always considering the weight of our actions. We’re reckless and skip the part about mindful intent, and bam! We run right into the brick wall of our consequences. We’re struck hard with a stark reminder that our decisions have the power to create chaos.

And sometimes, we’re living so very mindfully yet out of the blue tragedy happens. The unfair violates and our peace is robbed. We’re in shock, but don’t know what to do. We don’t know how to reach out and ask for help.

We’re now caught between wanting to bury our head in the sand, or lie to ourself and pretend that everything’s fine. Yet, we know that there’s only one path ahead; 1) we need to learn what we can from this and 2) get on a path toward healing the pain of what just happened.

But there’s much pain we can’t control. Like an intruder in the night, it swoops in unannounced, robbing us of our peace. It’s the type of anguish that arises when we lose something precious: a dream, a loved one, our health, or a cherished possession.

The sting is real, yet we soldier on, putting up a facade of normalcy. Under that veneer, a part of us is wrestling with the agony, either curling up into a ball of distress or fuming in anger. Still, we continue to function. Instead of dealing with healing the pain head-on, we resort to finding all kinds of creative ways to numb the pain.

Busyness, leisure, social engagements, addictions, or even retreating into a virtual world become our refuge. Yet, restful sleep remains elusive, and our thoughts turn progressively darker. We grapple with the unfairness of life, while forcing a smile for those around us.

And, know this: Science says that when you don’t deal with your emotional baggage or trauma, it can seriously mess up your mental, physical and relationship health. Here are some facts we all need to know:

1. Mental Health Consequences:
   • Decreased Mental Health: If you’re not tackling your emotional stuff, you might be rolling the dice on mental health issues like depression, anxiety, PTSD, or even battling substance misuse.
   • Chronic Stress: Unresolved emotional pain can decrease brain function, such as concentration, cognitive decline and memory problems.
   • Dark Thoughts: Research has shown that untreated trauma and emotional pain can play mind games, pushing you toward very dark thoughts and feelings. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), close to 800,000 people die by suicide every year.
2. Physical Health Consequences:
   • Immune System Dysfunction: Unresolved emotional pain dials up the stress dial and weakens your immune system, making you more susceptible to illness and infections.
   • Heart Problems: Prolonged stress and emotional chaos is going to mess up your blood flow and heart health, including high blood pressure, heart disease, and increased risk of stroke. And if you’re a man, you need to listen up because men are notorious for not seeking support; which might be one of the leading factors why men die sooner than women.
3. Social and Relationship Consequences:
   • Relationship Difficulties: Carrying emotional baggage can will make it harder to form and maintain healthy relationships. Plus, it makes it more difficult to trust others or even regulate your emotions in times of conflict or disagreement.
   • Family Drama: Unresolved trauma can impact family dynamics and be passed down through generations, affecting the wellbeing of your descendants. This is not the legacy you want to leave. Relationships can be tough even when we’re doing well, but they can become down-right nightmares when we haven’t dealt with our own issues.
4. Productivity and Functionality:
   • Reduced Productivity: When emotional pain creeps in, it can throw a wrench in your concentration, decision-making abilities, and hinder peak performance, seriously affecting your work or school success.
5. Reduced Income Opportunity:
   • Financial Fallout: Ignoring emotional pain or unresolved trauma isn’t just a hit to your emotional and mental well-being; it can also sting your bank account. The negative consequences can spill into your career, leading to reduced income opportunities. Healing the pain of your mind and emotions can actually be one of the best financial investments you’ll ever make.

Don’t think you have to go this alone. Seeking help might seem daunting, but remember that you don’t have to navigate this storm alone. Look around – is there a friend or family member who might be willing to lend an empathetic ear? Reach out to them, honestly sharing your struggles. Silence only prolongs the suffering.

And we just might need more than the kind words of a good friend. In fact, they’ll often offer well-meaning but inadequate advice like “things will get better” or “focus on the positive.” Their words miss the mark, leaving you even more frustrated and alone in your pain. You see, the average person just might not possess the right tools to support you during these very dark times.

If no one in your circle fits this role, know that you’re not alone in that experience. Many of us lack such confidants, and some of us who have them might hesitate to burden them with helping us heal the pain.

You can also seek out other sources of support: a small group, therapist or support group.

Here are a few extra things you can do.

Look these over and pick one, just one. Then try it today. Doing one small thing at a time can move you in the direction of greater peace:

Remember, you don’t have to remain stuck in a negative narrative. And if you can’t do it on your own, well there’s help available, waiting for you to extend a hand. No one deserves to remain stuck in a perpetual cycle of agony. Healing the pain is possible!

You see, I truly believe we all deserve to write a fresh chapter, one that’s infused with hope and freedom. Just as the sun rises over the horizon, symbolizing new beginnings, it serves as a reminder that each day welcomes us into a new day, full of potential, full of love and healing.

– Sincerely, Dr. Michael Haggstrom, Expert in Relationships, Anxiety & Trauma